Motherhood is not easy. From carrying a child for nine months to nurturing an infant, guiding a child through his/her formative years: elementary school, high school, bais medrash/seminary – and continuing to support that child into adulthood, an extraordinary responsibility rests upon the shoulders of a mother. This is true under ideal conditions, when a child is healthy, and the environment in which one finds himself is conducive to growth. What happens, however, when circumstances are anything but ideal? Let’s face it – challenges arise – even in the most perfect scenarios. Sudden health concerns (child, father, mother), financial difficulties, or unexpected hardships (a hardship for one person may not be one for another, but things happen) arise. It is often the mother who bears the brunt of the hardship and the burden of finding solutions that will ensure that her precious child continues to move forward.
To appreciate the depth of motherhood, we need only to peruse the lives of the Imahos ha’kedoshas, of which Sarah Imeinu was the first, and delve into the paradigms they established for future generations. Sarah Imeinu waited a lifetime for a child. At the age of ninety, after finally being granted the son for whom she had yearned, she was faced with the painful responsibility of sending Yishmael away in order to preserve the spiritual environment necessary for Yitzchak’s growth. She endured a mother’s greatest sacrifice: doing what was necessary for her child, even when it came at a tremendous personal cost.
Ultimately, Sarah raised a son worthy of becoming an Olah Temimah, a korban completely dedicated to Hashem. Yet, she never experienced the joy of seeing Yitzchak’s future unfold. She did not accompany him to the Akeidah. He was not present at her passing. A mother gives everything for her children, often without knowing the full impact of her devotion. A lifetime of devotion is often in the context of profound personal sacrifice.
Rivkah Imeinu waited twenty years before bearing children. Her pregnancy was fraught with anxiety, as two nations struggled within her womb. One son became Yaakov Avinu; the other became Eisav, the archetype of evil. Chazal explain that her burial was conducted quietly so that the wicked Eisav would not be present, and people would not point to him as the son of such a righteous woman.
Leah Imeinu lived with the pain of feeling less beloved than her sister. Rachel Imeinu endured years of barrenness before finally giving birth to Yosef. Later, while bringing Binyamin into the world, she surrendered her own life and was buried on the roadside, where she would remain to plead for her exiled children throughout the generations.
Why did Hashem decree that the mothers of our nation experience such difficulty? Perhaps because they were destined to become the eternal mothers of Klal Yisrael. Every Jewish mother who struggles to raise children amid illness, financial strain, disappointment, or heartache can look to the Imahos and know that she is not alone. The path they forged was not one of comfort, but of unwavering faith, sacrifice, and perseverance. They transformed adversity into eternity.
No one ever promised that building Klal Yisrael would be easy. Indeed, nothing of enduring value is achieved without effort and sacrifice. The Imahos taught us that greatness is not measured by the absence of hardship, but by the courage to remain steadfast despite it. Their triumph was not that they escaped suffering; it was that, through their suffering, they built the eternal Jewish nation.
We have, however, a profound consolation that makes this lifelong sacrifice worthwhile. A child is not merely someone whom a mother raises; a child is a part of her. The child was formed within her own body, carrying within him or her a piece of the mother herself. Therefore, a mother’s influence and essence continue to live on from generation to generation.
This is why Chavah was called eim kol chai, the mother of all living. A mother does not merely bring life into the world, she becomes part of the lives that continue after her. Through her children and descendants, a portion of her continues to exist forever.
The Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh (in an alternative explanation) says that Chavah was called mother of all living (as opposed to Adam who also has a role), because (following the sin of eating of the Eitz HaDaas) she was destined to bear the suffering of pregnancy and childbirth. Adam did not suffer (sacrifice), did not achieve the spiritual level of one who does. For an endeavor to be attributed to a person, for him to be worthy of seeing it achieve fruition and enduring success, he must overcome adversity. A father is definitely part of the process of bringing a child into this world, but, since the mother experiences nine months of carrying a child, followed by the pains of childbirth, she deserves to be called mother of all life.
It is well-known that the gematria, numerical equivalent, of ishah, woman, is the same as devash, honey – 306. Horav Yosef Sholom Elyashiv, zl, explains the relationship between woman and honey. He cites the commentary of the Rosh (Berachos, Keitzad Mevrarchin) who observes that, although the legs of the bees touch the honey (which should result in the honey becoming ritually/spiritually contaminated), the honey remans ritually pristine. The reason for this is that the honey has a decomposing effect on the legs of the bees, transforming them into honey. The power of the woman is similar. She has the ability to neutralize whatever character deficiencies seep into her home. She can transform her husband by impacting whatever negative baggage he may contribute to the home. She has the power of honey.
All the wonderful tributes to the Jewish woman are only realized once she develops. She is born as a diamond; she has the ability to shine and illuminate, but first, she must refine/polish that exceptional diamond. Horav Yechezkel Abramsky, zl, teaches that the most beneficial b’rachah, blessing, one can receive is that he finds favor in the eyes of Hashem and mankind. One who finds favor can see his negative behavior mitigated, thus diminishing the punishment he will receive. Let’s face it, no one is perfect; we all make mistakes – not intentionally, but carelessly “offending” our benevolent Father in Heaven. Under normal circumstances, these breaches in conduct should warrant quick and severe punishment. One who is nosei chein, however, can see the punishment he deserves softened.
The following story teaches us: A.) the meaning and obvious mitigating effect of having chein, B.) what kind of woman it takes to be the life partner of the gadol ha’dor. The story is about a young girl from a poor family. Her father was a talmid chacham whose every waking moment was dedicated to learning Torah. Sadly, this did not provide for the material upkeep of their home. Despite the abject poverty to which they were subjected, every Erev Shabbos, the father would make an effort to purchase a large cookie as a Shabbos treat. The cookie was cut into pieces to provide each of the children with his/her “Shabbos party.”
One year, during the Pesach seder, the young girl reached into the pocket of her dress, and, to her chagrin, she discovered her piece of cookie from weeks past. Her father was visibly upset. How did she not check her pockets before Pesach? He stifled his feelings, however, when he realized why she still had the cookie in her pocket and had not eaten it right away. Her father remembered the love his daughter had for Torah, and he understood why she had not immediately eaten the cookie. She was saving it for her older brother who spent the day learning. Such a small piece would hardly satiate his hunger so she gave him her piece. She had erred by not checking her pockets, thus transgressing the prohibition of having chametz in one’s possession on Pesach. On the other hand, she was nosei chein for thinking of her brother’s learning. It has never been suggested that this is the reason that, ultimately, she became the rebbetzin of Horav Moshe Feinstein, zl, but it is definitely something to consider.
We have no question that the involvement, encouragement, and sacrifice of a mother play a decisive role in her son’s Torah achievement. Likewise, the devotion and support of a wife often provide the foundation upon which her husband’s spiritual growth and Torah scholarship are built.
Indeed, one may venture to suggest that, throughout our history, no individual attained the pinnacle of Torah greatness without the influence of a woman who believed in him completely. Whether it was a mother who nurtured his earliest spiritual aspirations or a wife who willingly shared in the sacrifices demanded by a life devoted to Torah, their contribution became inseparable from his success. Space does not allow for the many stories that underscore this verity.
One that has especially inspired me occurred concerning the Tchebiner Rav, zl. Following World War II, he immigrated to Eretz Yisrael where, for a while, he led a life of anononimity. He had been one of the Gedolei Yisrael in pre-World War II Europe. He had experienced the tragedies and travail that affected so many. Now he just wanted to sit and learn peacefully without involvement in the larger community. It was not destined to be. Word got out as to his whereabouts, and men from all yeshivos came to speak with him and listen to his extraordinary, brilliant shiurim.
During one such shiur, a participant asked a penetrating question that went to the crux of the shiur. The Tchebiner thought for a few moments, he looked up at the questioner and said, “That is not your question!” Everyone in attendance sat there stupefied. This “accusation” was coming from one of the gedolei ha’dor of the past generation. The Tchebiner then explained, “That question (which was brilliant and insightful) is the product of your mother’s tears and prayers for you to become great in Torah. It is her question.”
The questioner was none other than Horav Moshe Shternbuch, shlita, Raavad of the Eidah Chareidis. He was orphaned of his father at the young age of nine. His mother, Rebbetzin Devorah Shternbuch, a.h, devoted herself solely to raising each of her children to love and grow in Torah. This was her nachas.
