The text of the pasuk suggests that Hashem listened to Yitzchak’s prayer as opposed to Rivkah’s. Chazal explain that it is not as if Rivkah’s prayer was deficient. It is just that no comparison exists between the prayer emanating from a tzadik ben tzadik, righteous son of a righteous father, to a tzadik ben rasha, righteous son of a wicked father. Obviously, something can be said for z’chus avos, merit of the fathers, ancestors who themselves toiled and sacrificed, so that their descendants would follow in their footsteps.
Veritably, the tzadik ben tzadik is privileged to grow up in a home permeated with Torah, yiraas Shomayim, and noble example. Loving parents, devoted rebbeim, and exemplary role models provide him with guidance and encouragement from his earliest years. Such an environment is an immeasurable advantage.
The tzadik ben rasha, however, must often forge his own path. Lacking the support system that others enjoy, every spiritual achievement is the result of inner strength, determination, and an unwavering commitment to seek the truth.
At the same time, the tzadik ben tzadik confronts a challenge that is uniquely his own. He is the heir to a distinguished mesorah. Others view his actions in light of the generations that preceded him. Whether stated or implied, comparisons are inevitable. He feels a constant responsibility to preserve the dignity and legacy of his family’s name. Living up to such expectations is itself a formidable nisayon. The tzadik ben rasha does not bear this burden. Although he lacks the advantage of a Torah heritage, no one measures him against an illustrious lineage. He stands or falls on the basis of his own accomplishments.
Neither path is easy. One must overcome the absence of support; the other must shoulder the weight of expectation. Each requires exceptional fortitude. When either challenge is met with steadfast devotion to Hashem, it can produce true gadlus.
Horav Shlomo Wolbe, zl — as well as many other Torah mechanchim — repeatedly warns educators and parents against demanding that a child become a carbon copy of his father or his rebbe. Every child has his own unique mission in life. Expectations that ignore the child’s individuality can stunt spiritual growth (and have a seriously negative impact on his emotional well-being). It has happened (more than we can admit) that the son of an illustrious Torah family can collapse under the pressure of living up to his ancestors. Comparisons are among the most destructive forces in chinuch. A child who constantly hears, “Your father did this”; “Your grandfather did this,” can come to believe that he is unworthy of his noble heritage. This can have a crumbling effect on him. Last, although not pertaining directly to chinuch, is the young woman from a distinguished Torah family, whose father has made a name for himself in the greater Torah world. Every time she has an insecurity lapse, she may throw her yichus at her husband when she feels he doesn’t measure up to her expectations. This does not make for a healthy marriage.
Rather than focus on the tzadik ben rasha, I would rather address the young man or woman who is the product of a dysfunctional family. As we all know, dysfunction encompasses many scenarios, which have one commonality: the toll they take out on the innocent victims – the children. I met an old friend from yeshivah this Shabbos. After a successful career in Kollel, followed by business, he retired and he now mentors teenagers who simply cannot remain at home due to the tension and, in some cases, safety issues. He introduced me to a seventeen-year-old boy who was referred to him by a local Rosh Yeshivah. Apparently, the boy’s father, who had himself been in chinuch, snapped under various pressures, with the korbanos who suffered along with him and his wife and children. During the father’s emotional decline, the family suffered greatly. This boy was victimized the most, because he was the youngest. His older siblings were either married or away in yeshivah. He felt bad for the person who used to be his father. Regrettably, the loving father he had had was now replaced by a raging man who blamed the world for all his troubles.
This is a classic case of a tzadik ben ____. I will allow the reader to fill in the blank. His father was certainly not a rasha. He was not in control of himself. Yet, his son was suffering and somehow had to make a life for himself, despite all the traumatic baggage that was forced upon him. What made the ordeal even more painful was his father’s standing in the community. He knew how to play the game. Outside the home, he was warm, articulate and even admired. Behind closed doors, he concealed a life of fear, humiliation and violence. No one would have believed the truth.
The kind, compassionate man that came to his rescue understood what was taking place, because he had seen this tragedy repeated often – at times with disastrous results. He stepped in and extended a loving hand to the broken child, offering him safety, dignity and hope. For the first time in months, the boy felt that life could be different.
In conclusion, the tzadik and the ben tzadik had to deal with challenges resulting from his hallowed status, and his counterpart, whose roots are far from savory, must also overcome the obstacles that impede his spiritual growth. Every nisayon, challenge, comes with Hashem’s Providential assistance. Ultimately, a person’s greatness is determined neither by the circumstances into which he was born, nor by the hardships that confront him; rather, it is determined by what he chooses to become, despite them. One’s past may shape his struggle, but it need not define his future. With Hashem’s Help, even the deepest wounds can become the foundation upon which a life of spiritual greatness is built.
