Machlokes, discord, controversy, is one of the most destructive forces in a person’s life. It does not merely create disagreement – it consumes perspective, distorts judgment, and unravels long-time relationships to the point that it can erode one’s entire quality of life. At the root of the problem is that, in the heat of discord, a person loses himself. It suddenly becomes only about “me.” The need to be right, to win, to prove my point, takes center stage over the truth. It is no longer about clarity, but validation. The individual denigrates the actions of his antagonist, because after all… His behavior, on the other hand, is perfect of course. The bottom line is: He may win the argument, but he will lose the relationship. Is it worth it?
The following two vignettes are telling and give us a window into how gedolim viewed machlokes and the respect we must maintain toward a fellow tzelem Elokim.
The Chidushei Ha’Rim returned one day after Shacharis and proceeded to go to his room/office. He instructed one of the aides who were in his house, a fiery chasid, whose love and respect for his Rebbe was without peer, that he did not want to be disturbed under any circumstance. The chasid took the Rebbe’s words literally to heart, and he stood by the door, blocking anyone from entering. A young chasid refused to be prevented from entering and began to push the senior chasid. Seeing that the young man was adamant in his refusal, he slapped him across the face, and that seemed to put an end to the fiasco.
Later that day, the Rebbe asked the chasid for nine men to provide a minyan for him. The man went out and gathered eight men. The Rebbe said, “I told you I wanted nine men.” “But Rebbe, I counted myself among the nine.” The Rebbe’s reply is telling: “I have eight men. I do not count for a minyan a Jew who strikes his fellow.” On the surface, the chasid was protecting the saintly Rebbe’s honor, but, essentially, he was responding to a personal affront.
In a town near Radin, a controversy broke out among members of the Chevra Kadisha, the Jewish Burial Society. It metastasized to the point that the community, after taking sides, split in half. Every time a person died, discord developed concerning where the deceased would be buried. The Chevra Kadisha was in charge of the cemetery and their conflict reached the community’s burial grounds. The Rav of the city and rabbanim from surrounding communities turned to the saintly Chafetz Chaim to resolve the inane conflict somehow.
When the Chafetz Chaim reached that city, during one of his trips to sell his Mishnah Berurah publication, he was asked again to intervene and find a way to extinguish the fire of controversy that was tearing apart the very fiber of their community. He agreed to speak with the members of “both” Chevrei Kadisha. He welcomed both groups in his signature pleasant manner. “Are you aware that a city which has one Chevra Kadisha has one malach ha’maves, angel of death, to carry out his gruesome work? A city that has two Chevrei Kadisha, unfortunately, has two angels of death. Tell me, is not one malach ha’maves sufficient for your community? (In other words, as a result of your conflict, you are increasing the community’s death toll.) His words made an impact, and they made peace among themselves.
