B’charbi u’b’kashti, with my sword and with my bow. Rashi interprets sword and bow as: sword – sharp wisdom; bow – prayer. Targum Onkelos translates it as tzalusi u’b’bausi; with my prayer is my supplication. Thus, Yaakov Avinu’s strength lies not in his physical prowess, but rather, in his spiritual potency. Yaakov’s prayer was much more effective than his physical strength. This is true for all of us. Our strength is in our spirituality. We vanquish the enemy with our supplications, not with our guns. Horav Shimon Pincus, zl, observes that during an eis tzarah, period of tribulation, when the numbers are against us and the enemy’s weapon is far more advanced than anything we have, we emerge triumphant because we have the power of prayer. Rav Pincus explains that Hashem runs towards us. As the Psalmist says, Imo anochi b’tzarah, “I am with him in his troubles.” Hashem shares with us the tzaar, pain and anguish. It may appear that we are running towards him, but, in essence, He is running towards us. A person travels in a car; it seems as if the buildings that he passes are moving towards him, while he stands still – when, in fact, it is the opposite. We think that we are running to Hashem, when, in fact, the moment that we turn to Him, He “comes running.”
We do not realize that Hashem is present, ready and willing to help. We do not ask, because we do not think. A chassid once came to Horav Mendel, zl, m’Kotzk, and lamented his bitter circumstances. “Rebbe,” he cried, “my cupboard is bare. I have a houseful of children and nothing to feed them.” He then broke down in bitter weeping. The Rebbe looked at him and said emphatically, “Pray to Hashem! He will sustain your family.” “But Rebbe,” the chassid cried, “I do not know how to pray.” “If this is the case,” retorted the Rebbe, “you have a greater problem than a lack of livelihood!!”
A Jew must be acutely aware that his success (as part of Am Yisrael) is through the medium of prayer. His “mouth” is his greatest and most effective tool for catalyzing salvation/deliverance. Yaakov Avinu alluded to the power of prayer and supplication. The Kotzker explains that the efficacy of a sword is determined by how the soldier prepares it prior to battle. He sharpens it razor sharp. Likewise, in order for the arrows to reach their distant target, the soldier’s bow must be prepared by tightening it. Prayer is no different. One must prepare himself prior to Tefillah. This is why the early Chassidim, pious Jews (Talmud Berachos 30A) put their minds and hearts in order, so that they could focus properly on the prayers before them. I guess this means that they did not just run in a minute before Barchu and leave after Kedushah. They took the time they spent speaking with Hashem seriously.
Ask someone who has just concluded Shemoneh Esrai, “Did you say Bircas Hashiveinu” (or whatever brachah), the response will most certainly be, “Probably.” The Baalei Mussar offer an insightful analogy to a fellow traveling in a wagon. At one point, the driver ties the reins around the horse that is pulling the wagon. The driver then proceeds to go to sleep. The bewildered passenger asks the driver, “What gives?” The driver’s response is: “Do not worry. The horse knows the way. He knows when to stop for water. ‘We’ will get you to your destination in time.” Our davening is often like that of the horse who knows when to stop for water. When we finish “reading the words,” we know that davening is over; we have reached our destination. It is now time for water.
Everyone knows that tefillah is required as a tool for extricating oneself from a tzarah, trouble. When someone is in need of a refuah, healing, brachah, blessing, any form of yeshuah, he knows that tefillah is the address to which he should turn. It is the most effective medium for reaching Hashem, Who is the only responder. There is something else for which we must daven, something that might ruffle some readers’ sensibilities: I refer to the tefillos parents must offer that their children grow up in the Torah way and be a source of nachas to them, Klal Yisrael and Hashem – not necessarily in that order. Some parents might neither agree that this warrants serious tefillah, nor will they acquiesce that the qualities that Chazal consider important are to be the objectives of our prayer service.
The Mishnah Berurah (47:10) (quoted by Horav Matisyahu Solomon, Shlita) writes: “The tefillos of a father and mother should always be fluent in their mouths, davening that their children learn Torah, become tzaddikim, righteous people, and have good middos, character traits.” He then goes on to point out that one should especially concentrate during U’va’LeTzion when we say: Shelo niga larik v’lo neilad la’behalah, “In order that we should not toil in vain nor give birth to confusion.”
Parents are expected to be fluent because they are (or at least should be) constantly davening for their children. This, explains the Mashgiach, is at the very heart of success in chinuch. Tefillah! A faithful Jew understands that absolutely nothing is in his hands. He can – and should be – mishtadel, endeavor, but he must reiterate in his mind that only Hashem can affect the outcome. There is no kochi v’otzem yadi, “my power and the strength of my hand,” that sees the achievement through to fruition. If one understands this verity, then he will daven – and daven, for his children’s success. Parenting techniques are hishtadlus, but, at the end of the day, without tefillah, one does not show that he really cares.
When parents are successful in raising a beautiful family which gives them much Torah nachas, satisfaction, it is because they are the beneficiaries of Hashem’s blessing. Those who have missed achieving success, is because Hashem withheld the gift of success from them. They must ask, plead, beg for it. It is the most effective thing that they can do.
The Mashgiach underscores the necessary attitude one must have when davening for his children’s success. It must be as the Mishnah Berurah writes: “We should daven that our children learn Torah and will become tzaddikim and have good middos… so that we should not toil in vain nor give birth to confusion.” We must be infused with the feeling that if our children do not learn Torah, are not tzaddikim, do not have good middos, then something is very wrong. We have toiled in vain and given birth to confusion. These should be every parent’s goals.
So what if he does not learn Torah, or is not a tzaddik, or has not developed good middos? Parents who have this attitude have a problem that goes far beyond child-rearing. Their own commitment to Torah ideals are questionable. One who is frum, observant, follows halachah and does not concoct his own theory on what determines Jewish values. He follows tradition. The Mishnah Berurah paskens, renders the halachic basics, concerning childraising. This is what we should ascribe to. This is what we should adhere to.
The Chafetz Chaim did not become the spiritual leader of his generation overnight. It was the attitude and focus on the manner in which he was raised that set the trajectory for his spiritual evolvement. He would often talk about his mother’s siddur. The Chafetz Chaim’ s mother passed away when he was a young child. Many years later, someone brought to the Chafetz Chaim the siddur from which his mother had davened.
The sage took the siddur in his trembling hands, kissed it and began to weep incessantly over it. “Can you imagine how many tefillos my mother davened and how many tears she shed, so that her young Yisrael Meir should grow?”
It all begins and ends with tefillah. Obviously, issues arise and interventions are necessary, but that is all part of hishtadlus. Without tefillah, first and last, one has nothing.
