When Yaakov sent messengers to Eisav, he emphasized that all that he had earned while working for Lavan did not result from his father’s blessings. They were neither from “the dew of the heavens” nor from “the fat of the land.” What prompted Yaakov to say this?
Horav Noach Orlowek, Shlita, cites the Vilna Gaon who asserts that anger first originates in the mind; the angry person feels he has a legitimate reason to be angry. It later develops into words which one expresses when he vents his anger. If uncommunicated, these “words” lead to actions which can, at times, be ugly. The Gaon states that the most effective way to quell anger is to address its source as soon as possible. Indeed, if one can dispel anger while it is still in the mind, before it has been verbalized, the chances are that it will dissipate. Anger is like fire; it must feed on something in order to grow. Once the angry person has expressed himself, his own words nurture his anger.
Yaakov was apparently aware that Eisav was infuriated about the “stolen brachos.” This anger has not subsided throughout the generations, as Eisav’s descendants periodically unleash their pent up fury against us. How much more so did Eisav resent Yaakov’s “imaginary” mockery of him. Eisav evidently felt that Yitzchak had been deceived into giving the brachos to Yaakov. Consequently, Yaakov tried to allay Eisav’s concerns by asserting that the gifts he was sending to Eisav did not represent the fulfillment of Yitzckak’s brachos.
Yaakov understood what was agitating Eisav. He immediately addressed the issue before Eisav could verbalize it. He thereby circumvented any undue anger or friction on Eisav’s part. We learn from Yaakov Avinu that one should seek to understand what motivates another’s anger, and to address it before the angry person expresses his indignation in a destructive fashion.
