Hashem’s discipline is likened to that of a loving father who is compelled to impose order in the life of his child. Discipline is a form of instruction which is vital and critical to a child’s development. The following are excerpts from a series of lectures given by the venerable Mashgiach of Beth Medrash Gavohah, Horav Matisyahu Solomon, Shlita. The Torah unequivocally forbids berating or embarrassing anyone, regardless of his wrongdoing. Chavalah, hitting, and onaah, persecution, are specifically prohibited. Just because someone is guilty of committing a sin does not give us license to humiliate or hit him.
Concerning chinuch, education, we find that these prohibitions are lifted. The Talmud Makkos 8a teaches that not only does a father have the right to strike his son, but he actually has an obligation to inflict corporeal punishment. How this obligation is executed is a very controversial question. Children are entitled to the same protections in the Torah as are applied to other people. Nonetheless, the father who is carrying out the mitzvah of chinuch is exempt from the prohibitions of chavalah and onaah. This certainly does not entitle any insecure (and, quite possibly, deranged) father to strike or humiliate his child. Only in the pursuit of the mitzvah of chinuch may a parent do those otherwise prohibited acts of chavalah or onaah, with halachic dispensation.
Here, the Mashgiach is very firm. Before a parent thinks he is permitted to strike or humiliate his child, he must be absolutely sure, with complete objectivity, that he is carrying out the mitzvah of chinuch. If he is uncertain, and he acts out of anger or frustration (perhaps with a little guilt added in), he has no right whatsoever to take out the resentment he harbors in his heart for anything or anyone – on his child. To harm a child in any way, for any other reason than the fulfillment of the mitzvah of chinuch, is pure abuse! To cause any form of pain to a child, he must know without question that he has no other motivation than chinuch. (If he is in any way unsure of his motives, he must refrain – as if this were a questionable piece of meat.)
Furthermore, besides the prohibitions involved, harming a child without justification only causes the child to hate the parents and everything for which they stand. The child will feel abused and resentful, often blemished for life.
The Mashgiach concludes with two questions that a parent must ask himself before subjecting his child to harsh measures: One, is this completely for the benefit of the child? Two, is there a gentler way that this can be achieved, thereby causing the child less stress and less pain?
