The group of friends with whom one surrounds himself speaks volumes about his true character. Such friends often share similar values, interests and beliefs. By observing the dynamics in these relationships, we are able to gain insight into a person’s priorities and attitudes. Furthermore, friends significantly influence a person’s priorities and actions. This impact can be either positive or negative. The litmus test of a person’s true identity may be determined by his circle of friends. With this idea in mind, the Bais Av (Horav Elyakim Schlesinger) explains the verse we recite in the Friday night zemiros, K’challah bein reiosehah meshubatzah, “Like a bride bedecked among her companions.” All brides appear to be the same. They are all bedecked in similar garb, white gown, veil, tiara. How does one determine if the kallah, bride, is a common girl of average background, means and outlook, or if she is a remarkable young woman whose values and demeanor are extraordinary, whose yiraas Shomayim, fear of Heaven, is special? Look at her friends. Observe the other young women in her inner circle, and you will have an idea concerning the kallah’s true character. The proof is in the friends.
A similar idea applies to the observance of Shabbos Kodesh. Everyone is dressed in his Shabbos finery. Whether the suit is black, blue or none at all, everyone appears different on Shabbos. How does one determine the true character of one’s beliefs concerning Shabbos? How does one know if the superficial Shabbos observance one sees is authentic, if his religious demeanor is genuine, or a cover that camouflages his true character? Look at his demeanor during the weekdays preceding and following Shabbosos. Are his weekday activities both mundane and religious, consistent with his Shabbos portrayal? Is he sincere? Genuine individuals typically exhibit congruence between their weekday actions, values and beliefs and those of Shabbos. If one wants to determine authenticity – check the “before and after” to ascertain the true character of the “during.”
While I typically select a story that coincides with the dvar Torah, the following story which demonstrates both adherence to shemiras Shabbos and genuine commitment to mitzvos, was too good to pass up. The Rav of one of the shuls in Petach Tikvah, Horav Aharon Beifus, zl, was an outstanding talmid chacham, whose brilliance in Torah was matched by his gentile spirit and genuine love for all Jews – regardless of their background or level of religious observance. The Beifus’ had a home that manifest Torah and yiraah, fear of Hashem. The harmony that reigned was an example for others to emulate. Sadly, their home lacked the noise that young children growing up provide, since Hashem had not blessed them with their own biological progeny. The Rav’s many talmidim and friends served as his larger family.
The Beifus’ sincerity in serving Hashem had a positive effect on those around them. Their genuine desire to be close to Hashem served as an example for the most secular Israeli to emulate. Thus, when one of their neighbors, a liberal, non-practicing Israeli, decided to do some carpentry in his apartment one Shabbos morning, it troubled Rav Beifus greatly. The sound of the drill was shattering the peaceful quiet that should prevail during Shabbos day.
The Rav was unable to tolerate the blatant chillul Shabbos, so he walked up four floors to the man’s apartment and knocked on the door. When the man answered the door, the Rav began with “Shabbat shalom.” He then continued in his signature sweet voice and respectfully asked if there was any way the man could refrain from publicly desecrating Shabbos, “People are going back and forth, and the sound of the drill on Shabbos disturbs its sanctity. It is offensive to anyone who is observant.” The sweet, sincere tone of the Rav impacted the man, and he agreed to put away his drill until after Shabbos. Indeed, the man was so impressed by Rav Beifus’ demeanor that he decided to go to shul the following Shabbos – and the Shabbos after that. This about-face continued progressively until the man and his family became fully observant – all because the Rav was sincere, genuine and respectful.
Now, for the rest of the story. Rav Beifus’ Rebbetzin passed away several years before her husband, leaving him to fend for himself. As difficult as it was at first, it became even more complex when the Rav became physically ill and also began to suffer from mild, cognitive impairment. In his last weeks on this world, his physical health deteriorated considerably, and his nephews took turns sitting by his bed as he came in and out of consciousness. The end was clearly nearing, as his breathing became more and more labored. Suddenly, completely out of the blue, the Rav struggled to sit up straight and declared, Ich hub gekoift kartlech far di proste concert, “I purchased tickets to the immodest concert.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he lay back down, closed his eyes, and returned his holy neshamah to its Source.
The nephews were clueless as to the meaning of their uncle’s parting words. They were certain it was significant, but, since people might not understand and attribute it to his declining health, they decided to remain mum about it. Somehow the story leaked out and spread quickly – everyone hypothesizing about the meaning of the Rav’s words.
One Rav with whom Rav Beifus had been close explained the meaning of his last words. Several years earlier, the city of Petach Tikvah was hosting a massive concert featuring a world-famous celebrity, whose crude stage antics bordered on the lewd. Obviously, he was catering to an audience that would appreciate his raunchy behavior. Unfortunately, when impurity invades an area, it impacts everyone – secular and observant. The thought that thousands would attend this public chillul Hashem, a venue which would remain with them, impairing their sense of decency, was too much for the Rav to tolerate. He immediately ran to the ticket office and used up every penny of his savings to purchase all the tickets to the show!
Shortly afterward, Rav Beifus visited the Steipler Gaon, zl, and confessed to (what he thought might have been) the “crime.” After all, he had purchased all the tickets to an event that breached every boundary of the laws of tznius, moral modesty. The Steipler listened and replied, “Those tickets are your entrance to Gan Eden!”
