The Kuzmirer Rebbe, Shlita, relates that his father (Horav Ephraim, zl), who was the son of the saintly Horav Yechezkel, zl, m’Kuzmir, decided to travel alone, in complete anonymity. He refused to reveal his illustrious pedigree as the Kuzmirer’s son. He entered the shul in a small town and promptly sat down in the rear of the shul together with a few simple men whose relationship with anything spiritual was foreign. (While they might have been spiritually challenged, they all at least made it their business to attend shul.) The Rebbe felt spiritually uplifted sitting where he was, not garnering any attention to himself, which, due to his humble nature, was something for which he pined. The problem arose when the shul’s gabbai, sexton, noticing a guest, wanted to give him an aliyah, call him up to the Torah. He gave his name Reb Ephraim ben Reb Yechezkel – a nondescript name without the usual appellations that accompany a man of his stature – the son of one of the preeminent Admorim of his day. It was then that it struck him that he had degraded his father. If he wanted to humble himself, it was fine, but what right did he have to do the same to his father? He later said that he was filled with remorse for the rest of his life, because he had not rendered the proper deference to his father.
Honoring parents often involves recognizing that our actions can, indeed, impact their reputation. Thus, it is imperative that we conduct ourselves in such a manner that it reflects positively on them and the manner in which we have been raised. Public behavior, whereby a son/daughter acts out in a disrespectful or irresponsible manner, may mean nothing to the son and daughter, but what did his or her parents do to suffer such humiliation? The way we act in our daily endeavors – professionally, ethically and morally – impacts our parents’ reputation. We must remember that acknowledging the potential impact – both positive and negative – on our parents’ reputation is part of the mitzvah to honor them. Our self-centered behavior hurts not only us, but also our parents – and our children.
